Jessie’s Choice

“Avunga enna verukaradha vida nee enna verukaradhu dhaan better nu nenaikaren”

Yes- I made a choice- something that a heroine would never make.

I started off as the girl of everyone’s dreams- smart, beautiful, confident and at the same time traditional. Demure in my immaculately draped sarees, respecting my family’s choices, well –educated and well- employed.  I was openly conflicted about my feelings for Karthik- not the typical hate-turned-love battle but more along the lines of indifference-turned- to- skepticism- turned-to-love kind of battle.

I tried to friend-zone him, but something about that earnest, relentless chase made me give in. He was a great guy and of course opposites attract but how far does that attraction go? Was it worth shutting my parents and my brother out of my life because they don’t get along well with him? Would I be able to survive fighting my demons when he chases his dreams?

So- I made the choice. I married Abraham, moved to New York and I really have no regrets. You may think Karthik made me his muse, but I know that the pain inspires him more. His movie made me cry- just like any other bittersweet love story would. I want him to move on, get married and have a great life but he likes the pain so I cannot let it guilt me. He will always be part of the unspoken past and a distant memory.

The world can call me unfaithful and weak but I made this choice- not for them, not even for my parents but for myself.

“Kadalinil meenaga irunthaval naan 
Unakkena karai thaandi vanthaval thaan 
Thudithirunthen karaiyinile
Thirumbivitten en kadalidame”

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For the jodi post Sheetal Mary and I picked the female point of view in lost love as our theme. Check out her post atSheetal Scribbles

This post is written for the ‘love theme’ contest by The Chennai Bloggers Club in association with Woodooz and Indian Superheroes